For my Shane Idleman, Idle-men - may you get a box with a big bow on it and inside is the Charisma News job of dominionist enforcer and NAR gatekeeper. Recently vacated by Dr. Brown. This would be a present for us all because Shane is even easier to debunk.
For my Eddie "women should rule the church because my wife told me so" Hyatt butchers of history and doctrine - may you finally find that elusive scriptural support that somehow magically invalidates "I do not permit women." May you find the birth certificate for Junias, to finally prove he is a woman. May you find secret communiques proving that Paul was actually Pauline. May you discover proof that they opened the Constitutional Convention of 1787 with "I Am a Friend of God." It is the season of miracles after all!
For my "Doctrine is a Dirty Word" viewers of The Chosen - let's hope the magic of Christmas brings you what your deceitful little hearts truly want - that Paul secretly had Attention Deficit Disorder, Ananias and Sapphira were struggling with their mortgage, which is why they tried to cheat the apostles, and Judas had a gambling addiction, which is why he stole from the treasury. Hey, Dallas Jenkins is not saying these things happened, only that they could have, right?
For my false prophet followers/General Cindy's foot soldiers - I declare and decree that 2024 will be your year of breakthrough! No wait - deliverance! No wait - overflow! Yes, all of you. Wait, did I use these same words last year? I really need a thesaurus for Christmas.
For my Holy Spirit blasphemers/Heidi Baker Bakers - I was going to wish you all - whooooaaa! Shabba! Whoooaaa! A good kind of Christmas you know? Shaka baba! Whooooaa! I need to lie down"
Now, Now, just a little fun. To all let us actually remember that unto us, in the city of David is born to us a Savior, Christ the Lord. Never let Linus have better theology than you. Merry Christmas beloved.
