The Pain of Loneliness And The Peace of Solitude
Psalm 25: 16 Turn to me and have mercy on me, because I am lonely and hurting. (NCV)
American theologian Paul Tillich once said, "Language... has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone." Yet too often we can focus on the loneliness of life instead of the solitude to enjoy God's presence. The devil uses many weapons against the children of God in his pursuit to make us ineffectual for the work God has called us to do and loneliness is a powerful one. Perhaps because it grates against the very design of God: Then the Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is right for him." Genesis 2: 18 (NCV) But note the phrase "who is right for him." Too often it seems we can choose someone to avoid the unpleasantness of being alone as opposed to waiting for God to show us who is right for us. The result is so many Christians in relationships they should never have been in and a divorce rate in the church comparable to that in the world. Remember, the object is not to be with someone but to be with "the right one." Our impatience stems from a fear of being alone. This fear binds people in abusive relationships and forces people into unequally yoked situations. It causes people to disregard the Bible in lieu of their feelings and hide behind the word "love." Of course love in man-made terms is far different than what God intended. Over the centuries man has turned love into some kind of deadly bear trap that you "fall into." It allows us to use love as a crutch "well, you can't help who you fall in love with." But how did God intend love to be? Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1Corinthians 13: 4-7 (NIV) That's quite a list! What are all of these things? They are what we are not; naturally. We are not patient and kind. We are envious, boastful and proud by nature. We are self seeking, easily angered and how may people do you know who do not keep a record of wrongs? The Apostle Paul is making a point here and that is we must choose to love someone. We must choose to be patient and kind where we are normally not. We must choose to be those things that go against our human nature. It is not a bear trap you can't crawl out of love is a choice. Moving past love, why do we so often find ourselves fearing the isolation? Let's take a look at some facts we need to embrace today if we are to turn the pain of loneliness into the peace of solitude. First of all, we fear being alone because we may not like ourselves very much. Let's face it in the world it was much easier to like ourselves and we didn't even do it so well then! The world forces you to compare yourself to man. By that standard, we can all take some solace. We see all sorts of depravity every night on our local news and think, "at least I am not that bad." But then we get saved and the light of Christ shines into our lives and we realize that we were never really that good to begin with. The Gospel of Luke tells the story of when Peter first encountered God in his life. Peter had been fishing all night and caught nothing. Jesus asks Peter to let down his nets for a catch. Here was Peter's reaction: Simon answered, "Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets." Luke 5: 5 (NIV) You can almost hear the sarcasm in Peter's voice. After all, this is what he did for a living. He knows when there are fish and when it is time to call it a day! This is how we can encounter God too. Self-assured. Confident, if not cocky. When Peter sees the nets breaking at the huge haul of fish that ensued, here was the change: When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus' knees and said, "Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!" For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, - Luke 5: 8-9 (NIV) Suddenly, Peter saw the light. He saw his pride and his bravado in the light of a holy God. That light shone into the darkest places Peter had hidden in his heart. Places where Peter doubted God or even mocked Him. His initial reaction was not to embrace this light but to ask it to depart from him! Away from me Lord! The truth is when Peter was confronted his desire was to pull away. We face the same dilemma when we are alone with God today. It is hard enough during times of prayer but when we are without a companion, it becomes magnified. It seems when we are alone that we constantly have to feel exposed before God. Well, here is deep theological point number one God already sees you! Whatever it is that makes you uncomfortable before His holiness is not only the very thing He is working on in you but He knew it was there when He chose you! When the devil whispers in your ear how God can't love you, remember God's decision: Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins! But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed. All of us, like sheep, have strayed away. We have left God's paths to follow our own. Yet the L ord laid on him the sins of us all. Isaiah 53: 4-6 (NLT) That thing which makes you uncomfortable before God is exactly why He sent His only Son to earth. To die for it. All of us have strayed away beloved. We have all left God's path to follow our own. Solitude with God is a chance to thank Him, to remember the sacrifice and feel that wholeness. Secondly, we need to dispel the lie of the enemy that says you are alone at all! You are never alone!
..."Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13: 5b (NIV)
and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28: 20 (NIV)
For the sake of his great name the LORD will not reject his people, because the LORD was pleased to make you his own. 1Samuel 22: 20 (NIV)
The world will sell you the notion that God is some distant, detached absentee landlord; nonsense! Human relationships will always have that human element but with God:
One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18: 24 (NIV)
That is who God is in your life! Thirdly, we need to seek Godly friendships in our lives. The statistics do not lie. People who live isolated lives die far sooner than those with an active network of friends and relationships. We were made for interaction with each other. God explains: Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12 (NLT) The devil seeks to break you beloved. If you stand with two other brothers or sisters in Christ than it is even harder for the enemy to gain a foothold. If you stand with at least one other brother or sister then you can stand back to back and conquer. The enemy wants you alone but that is not the design of God: And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near. Hebrews 10: 25 (NLT) A network of God-fearing friends is crucial for our success in our walk before the Lord. It also enhances our lives. Studies show that people without solid friendships are three times more likely to die earlier than those who have an active network of friends. Now that we understand the acceptance of God and that He is working on the areas which we may not like in ourselves, and we realize that we are never truly alone and that a network of Christian friends is crucial, we come to the final thing to consider. We need to stop putting God in a box or rushing Him. God knows your needs and wants beloved. More importantly, He knows the difference between them. His timing is always correct. Our timing is usually less than desirable! The Psalmist teaches us: Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4 (ESV) As Christians we tend to focus on the second half of that verse only! But it is connected to the first part which says we must delight ourselves in the Lord. But what does that mean? That means whatever the situation, whatever the emotions tell you, whatever the answer is from God delight yourself in Him regardless! The answer from God is no and your relationship ended delight yourself in the Lord! The answer from God is wait and your relationship is unclear delight yourself in the Lord! Whether the answer is yes, no, or wait it doesn't matter delight yourself in the Lord! Here is deep theological point number two beloved God cannot give you the desires of your heart of you refuse to delight yourself in Him! Because ultimately, it is a matter of faith. We must hold fast to our doctrine: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8: 28 (NIV) If God is working always for our good then even when the answer is no, it must be for our good. Even when the answer is wait, it must be for our good. We cannot mix and match what we believe. When things don't go the way we imagined, we must hold fast to our belief and delight in the Lord! Even when it goes against our heart. Remember: The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? Jeremiah 17: 9 (NIV) Who do we trust in? Our heart or our God? Our heart can be deceitful but God is working all things out for our good. There is a reason why Proverbs warns us: Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3: 5-6 (NIV) When we try to make our own paths they rarely come out straight! But we must not lean upon our own heart. Our heart will sell us the word loneliness. God's heart wants us to enjoy the solitude He provides for us to grow even closer to Him. His desire is for the desire of our hearts to be Him. We have to want God, trusting that He will give us all we need. Paul Tillich was right. Two words to express the same thing loneliness and solitude. One is a lie designed to make you doubt God and the other is where you can discover His glory, draw closer to Him, and truly feel complete.Reverend Anthony Wade March 1, 2011
