Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love. - 1Corinthians 13: 13 (NLT)
Life is about choices. We can look back over our lives with regret or rejoicing at the decisions we make; usually it is a mixture of both. Of all the facets of being inescapably human, romantic love remains one of the most confusing we will ever face. That is because it is one area that we still tend to listen more to worldly philosophy than godly wisdom. We are inclined to Oprah-ize love or wonder what Dr. Phil says, instead of what God says. The enemy has done a masterful job through literature and media of twisting and contorting the way God intended love to be into a gross distortion. The reason we seem to get it wrong so often is that we treat love as strictly an emotion, a product of our soul. When we do that, we tend to leave God out of it. But love is also a product of our Spirit even though we give it more emotional power than it rightly deserves. In fact, one just needs to look at the way we speak about love, to see the emotional control that we give it. We do not say that we "have love" or even "feel love." No; we "fall into" love; as if it some sort of bear trap clasping around our ankles not letting us go. God did not design love to be quicksand beloved. As with everything, God explains for us in the Bible, exactly what love is supposed to be.
If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn't love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God's secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn't love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would have gained nothing. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. -- 1Corinthians 13: 1-7 (NLT)
The Apostle Paul's famous recitation of love -- the recipe God intended. Even most who are not believers know these verses. The vast majority of people use these verses at their wedding ceremony. If only they would use them after! Note first of all that the statements are all declarative. Paul does not say, "love feels kind" or "love does not feel like boasting." That is because while love is definitely emotional, there is still a choice to be made. Love is supposed to be as much a conscious decision of the Holy Spirit as it is an emotional feeling. Seemingly however, we leave it all up to the whims of our emotions. We let our soul dictate to our spirit. When we do that; it is a recipe for disaster.
God is love and by choosing to be love ourselves, we are choosing to be more Christ-like. First, you must choose to be patient. It is certainly not in our nature to be patient people. We live in a microwave society where we want things done, and usually we want them done yesterday. How many disagreements in relationships are caused by impatience? Now think for a minute of how patient God has been with you. Secondly, you must choose to be kind. Sounds simple enough but it really does go against our inherent human nature, doesn't it? Why? Because to be truly kind, you must deny self and we are essentially selfish creatures. Society reinforces this selfishness with the, "what's in it for me" mentality. Yet if you want to experience true love as God intended and not some emotional trap you will "fall into", then Paul says you need to start with patience and kindness. It is not surprising to see these attributes reiterated in another of Paul's letters:
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. -- Colossians 3:12
Not only do you need to have patience and kindness, but you should be clothed in them. What do we do with our clothes every day? We must put them on. There is a conscious decision each day about what we will wear. We may look in the mirror and decide what looks good on us and what doesn't. God is telling us here that if we want to love like He has intended love to be for us, we must choose to put on patience and kindness.
In the same verse however, Paul also states three things that love is not -- jealous, proud, and boastful. It is no surprise that these three things are often stumbling blocks in our relationships. That is because as difficult as it may be, love is not meant to be jealous. The devil is constantly whispering in our ears about other people and trying to get us to compare ourselves to others. True jealousy and envy denies what God has already done for you and given to you. It questions the sovereignty of God by desiring something that He has decided to give to someone else and not you. In a relationship it robs the joy that you should have together. It speaks to the motivation and appreciation of the heart. A heart that chooses to love is happy at the blessings another receives. It does not secretly desire them.
