Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. - Proverbs 13: 24 (ESV)
To say the National Football League had a bad week would be an understatement. First they bungled the Ray Rice domestic violence case and then it was announced that a Texas Grand Jury has indicted star running back Adrian Peterson for Negligent Injury to a Child in the disciplining of his son. Make no mistake about it; these two cases have nothing to do with each other even though they are being widely reported as common stories. Rice was caught on a surveillance camera knocking his then fiancee out by punching her square in the jaw. Peterson disciplined his four year old son for pushing a sibling off of a video game they were playing. That discipline was in the form of using a switch, a common disciplinary tool in the south of this country.
The resulting media firestorm surrounding Peterson has seen pundits weigh in on the personal parenting of Peterson as if they have the definitive word. This past weekend, former football player Chris Carter gave an emotional but misguided speech on one of the Sunday football pre-game shows. He first admitted that Christian parents believe in disciplining their children but then jumped off the political correctness cliff by chucking his own mother under the bus:
"My mom did the best that she could do. But there are thousands of things that I have learned since then that my mom was wrong. This is the 21st century; my mom was wrong. And I promise my kids I won't teach that mess to them. You can't beat a kid to make them do what you want them to do."
On another show, Charles Barkley defended the discipline by saying if these standards were enforced across the board you would have to lock up the majority of southern parents. His counterpart Jim Rome however made a similarly silly time argument as Carter by saying, "1964 is one thing but 2014 is another." Let's start there. Does it matter that we are now in the 21st century? Have we considered ourselves so evolved civilly that we think we simply know better when it comes to exactly how a child should be raised? Have we held enough seminars and listened to enough "experts" on human development? Have we become so arrogant in our knowledge that we think it is time for the government to impose their beliefs upon parents? Because make no mistake about it. That is exactly what Chris Carter and Jim Rome are advocating. I respect the right of Mr. Carter to "not teach that mess" to his kids but he does not respect the right of Adrian Peterson to raise his kids as he feels is right and that is a real problem. It says that Chris Carter believes he knows the best way to raise Adrian Peterson's children. He does not.
While we are at it, disciplining children is not an exercise in "making them do what you want." It is for teaching them right from wrong. These are lessons simply not learned in the era of "time out." Just look at the increase in juvenile mental illness, suicide and incarceration. There is no question beloved. We have not become more evolved as a society - we are rapidly devolving. From all reports and public appearances from Chris Carter over the years it seems clear to me that his mom was not wrong. Her discipline has resulted in a respectful human being. That is the point. I feel bad that he thinks he knows better now. I say these things in full admission that I was physically disciplined as a child. Being from up north the tool of choice was a belt, not a switch but the resulting welts conveyed the same message. The Bible says that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom but most children cannot conceptualize God, sin, heaven and hell. Veggie-Tales do not count. For children, the beginning of wisdom is supposed to be fear of the parents because that is their God. That is who they rely upon for survival. My upbringing did not always result in perfect behavior but I can tell you this much; I knew there were consequences for my behavior. Just take a look at some of the horrific stories we have seen this year alone. One teen kills another because she declined to go to the prom with him. Two twelve year old girls stab a classmate 19 times to appease a fictional Internet character. As my pastor is fond of saying, there is too much time out and not enough knock out.
If this offends your sensibilities I do not apologize because this is what the Bible says too. Sometimes when we interpret the Bible there can be multiple interpretations. Sometimes one person may hear God say one thing that another does not hear. The key verse today cannot be any clearer. There is no ambiguity at all. Whoever spares the rod hates his son. Period. Those that love their children will love them enough to not only discipline them but to be diligent in their discipline. That means they will be thorough about it. Peterson has said, "Anytime I spank my kids, I talk to them before, let them know what they did, and of course after." As any loving parent should. We are developing a society where parents think their kids are their friends. They do not need a friend - they need a parent. You want to know why so many kids are ending up in jail as teens, pregnant as teens, or are generally less respectful today? Trace it back to when they were four and were throwing their sibling off a game and not corrected for it. Sure there are a plethora of societal factors as well but the only thing we can control is what they learn at home. Do they learn there are real consequences for unacceptable behavior or do they learn they can get away with it? Do they have a parent or a roommate? Recently there was a dress code enforcement at a local high school where I live. No bare midriffs, tank tops, low cut blouses, and halter tops. Who was outraged? The parents!
The other important aspect of this story is governmental over reach. Exactly how far are we willing to allow the government to go in sticking their nose into the business of our lives? We have to stop treating children as if they were fully functional adults:
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him. - Proverbs 22: 15 (ESV)
The Bible says to not provoke a child to anger but bring them up in the discipline and fear of the Lord. I think what that means is we must understand that there must be a purpose to it. That you do not beat your kids for no reason. That there is a discussion about it. That they understand cause and effect. Behavior and consequence. I am not advocating for child abuse. My father used to say that the discipline I was about to receive was going to hurt him more than it hurt me. I did not believe him at the time because I was a kid. I did not know any better. As I grew into my teen years I resented some of the discipline but that was because I was a teenager, when we all think we know better than our parents. As an adult though I recognize that there are no gray areas in my mind about right and wrong. It does not mean I always have come down on the side of right but I always understood there were consequences. My father is no longer with us and Lord knows we had our differences over the years but in the end he raised three sons who learned what was right and what was wrong.
By the way; if you choose to not follow the biblical instruction in relation to discipline that is your right. Good luck with the time out thing. Just do not think that you are somehow morally superior to those who choose to do what God says we ought to do. Do not think that you have it all figured out in 2014 and people like Adrian Peterson are living in 1964. The Word of God transcends time and culture. It does not change because it does not need to. Watch the Peterson case closely beloved. If the courts can decide that the word of a four year old trumps parental rights to discipline then you can mark that day down on your calendar when the beginning of the end officially started. Our society will not last much longer beyond that.
Rev. Anthony.
